*angry pterodactyl screeching*

I am thoroughly convinced that some plant matter was not created to be consumed by humans. This is a belief I have come to through many years of experience in my field of expertise, eating. I will not be talked out of it.

 

But Abilene, you say, aren’t vegetables good for you?

I will admit, some of them are. But most are despicable.

 

A description of one of the main offenders:

Leafy, forest green vegetables that taste like grass. Supposedly, such vegetables are ‘healthy’ and ‘make you grow big and strong’ but eating such will only make you hate yourself and have grass-like particles stuck in your teeth until you can floss. Sometimes restaurants put said vegetable on pizza. Those idiots. Do they not realize that they are wasting precious dough, cheese and sauce to create a despicable flavor of everyone’s favourite Italian dish?

Spinach. Yuck.

 

Another description of an equally hateable vegetable:

Long and stringy, this food should only be used to feed prison inmates. Usually cooked with salt and pepper (or sometimes eaten raw by da crazies), this pea-like dish is disgusting. Unfortunately, many middle class children are tormented by well-meaning parents when they are forced to choke down bowlfulls of said vegetable. That is why such children have trust issues.

Green beans. The horror.

 

A third:

Devilishly pink, this root is considered one of the most hated vegetables in America. That’s a lot of middle schoolers who despise this particular dish. Though somewhat sweet, this plant packs a flavor that mainly tastes like DIRT. I would appreciate that more if I was in the backyard eating worms, but, unfortunately, I’d be at the dinner table, cringing at what I see in the little glass bowl next to my plate.

Beets.

How revolting. 

 

The grand finale:

Small, terrifying rolls that look like mini cabbages, this is every elementary (and high school) student’s worst nightmare. Though they often are covered in melted cheese or some such product in attempts to mask their unpalatable, wretched, foul, repulsive taste, these little bombs will never cease to be on my list for the “Most Nasty Vegetable” award. And the worst part is, some people actually like them! And expect other people (those who actually have half of a sense of taste), to eat them and enjoy them. No wonder we have problems with America.

 

Brussel sprouts. *gags*

 

 

–abby

 

These Are a Few of My Favourite Things

WordPress is correcting me on my spelling of ‘favourite’ because, apparently, it is the British spelling of the word. Like I actually care. The American spelling is boring, WordPress. Don’t tell me how to live my life. 🙂

 

In an effort to help my followers (all three of you) to get to know me better, I decided to post a list of my favourites. Here goes nothing:

 

Movie–The Patriot (It’s awesome. Watch with a Kleenex box.) Also probably the Star Wars saga

 

Book–The Black Arrow by Robert Louis Stevenson. I also read Treasure Island and found it to be completely boring, so I was sort of wary of TBA. When I did read it, it was AWESOME. If you like Medieval Robin Hood-ish stories, you’ll love this. I also love Tucket’s Travels by Gary Paulsen. My favorite series is Left Behind.

 

Author–ugh, do I have to pick? I suppose not, because I’m making up the questions, but whatever. Probably Jerry B. Jenkins

 

Hobby–Reading

 

Pastime–Watching movies, since reading is already put down as hobby. I love old movies. Arsenic and Old Lace, anyone?

 

Food–Pizza

 

Board game–Monopoly

 

Blog–My dad’s blog, the link is here. Also, Brittney’s Daughter of the King.

 

Genre of music–Classical (I love Beethoven), bluegrass, and whatever genre Men of Grace is. Gospel, I guess??

 

Television show--I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Doctor Who, Star Trek, and the first season of Supergirl.

 

Verse–Romans 8:38-39

 

Song–“Hard Hard Choices” by Way Station, “He’s My King” by Men of Grace

 

Academic subject–Normally it’s science, but biology this year is extremely boring, so this year it is history. World History and Cultures, to be exact. Mr. Smith is hilarious. ☺

 

If there’s any questions you have for me along these lines, comment below.

 

—Abby