*angry pterodactyl screeching*

I am thoroughly convinced that some plant matter was not created to be consumed by humans. This is a belief I have come to through many years of experience in my field of expertise, eating. I will not be talked out of it.

 

But Abilene, you say, aren’t vegetables good for you?

I will admit, some of them are. But most are despicable.

 

A description of one of the main offenders:

Leafy, forest green vegetables that taste like grass. Supposedly, such vegetables are ‘healthy’ and ‘make you grow big and strong’ but eating such will only make you hate yourself and have grass-like particles stuck in your teeth until you can floss. Sometimes restaurants put said vegetable on pizza. Those idiots. Do they not realize that they are wasting precious dough, cheese and sauce to create a despicable flavor of everyone’s favourite Italian dish?

Spinach. Yuck.

 

Another description of an equally hateable vegetable:

Long and stringy, this food should only be used to feed prison inmates. Usually cooked with salt and pepper (or sometimes eaten raw by da crazies), this pea-like dish is disgusting. Unfortunately, many middle class children are tormented by well-meaning parents when they are forced to choke down bowlfulls of said vegetable. That is why such children have trust issues.

Green beans. The horror.

 

A third:

Devilishly pink, this root is considered one of the most hated vegetables in America. That’s a lot of middle schoolers who despise this particular dish. Though somewhat sweet, this plant packs a flavor that mainly tastes like DIRT. I would appreciate that more if I was in the backyard eating worms, but, unfortunately, I’d be at the dinner table, cringing at what I see in the little glass bowl next to my plate.

Beets.

How revolting. 

 

The grand finale:

Small, terrifying rolls that look like mini cabbages, this is every elementary (and high school) student’s worst nightmare. Though they often are covered in melted cheese or some such product in attempts to mask their unpalatable, wretched, foul, repulsive taste, these little bombs will never cease to be on my list for the “Most Nasty Vegetable” award. And the worst part is, some people actually like them! And expect other people (those who actually have half of a sense of taste), to eat them and enjoy them. No wonder we have problems with America.

 

Brussel sprouts. *gags*

 

 

–abby

 

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3 thoughts on “*angry pterodactyl screeching*

  1. My personal opinion is that spinach is better than lettuce. Don’t ask me why, but it is. (Really!) Beets and green beans, however, are wonderful!! How do you not like beets??! You must never have had them the right way 🙂 Good luck in avoiding nasty vegetables, and I’d suggest trying sugar-snap peas. Or jicama. They’re sweet vegetables – yum!

    Like

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